1. Take a shower and put on cologne (not Axe (you’ll smell like a cheap drugstore) or Drakkar Noir (you’ll smell like her grandfather). If you have no sense of smell, Acqua Di Gio will work—you’ll smell like every other douche bag in the city, but every other douche bag smells pretty good.
2. Open your wallet. Make sure to have 3 or 4 $100 bills accidentally fall out. Just don’t lose them (or use them) or this could get expensive—unless you already roll like that (automatic +1 for all of our Saudi/Qatari/Omani Princes).
3. Make eye contact, flash a charming smile, and then walk away. If you can successfully make eye contact and smile charmingly, chances are you don’t need help impressing a girl. You should also be ready to hide because some girl will probably try to follow you and potentially roofie you, depending on where said interaction takes place.
4. When you make wudu, roll up your sleeves above your biceps, conveniently forget to unroll them and leave them glistening with water so they sparkle in the light (like Edward from twilight). Make sure to walk past her while flashing your guns. If you do not workout and can hardly hold your arms up to make wudu, we suggest you get some.
5. If you have a sister who is significantly younger than you, pretend that you adore her in front of Mrs. Mashallah even if she’s secretly the devil.
6. If you happen to speak a sexy non-English language (i.e. French/Spanish), ask her a question using it. When she says she doesn’t speak your language, flash your pearly whites and apologize. If you don’t speak a sexy non-English language, just adopt a British accent—she probably wont understand that either. If you don’t have pearly whites, get some teeth whitener ASAP.
7. Get an education. And a job that pays you at least 6 figures. You’ve just impressed the hell out of her, and she hasn’t even met you yet.
March 2012
2 posts
Ok Halal Flirters, we’re back with another one! Most of our posts up to this point have been about how to improve your overall love life (in a Halal (debatable) style). Most of our lessons are ones that should be practiced on a day-to-day basis. But we realize, some of you just ain’t got that kinda time! So if you’re looking to impress Mr. Mashallah in 20 seconds or less follow our tips and tricks below. The good thing is that these can actually be done in 5 seconds. And we’ve got some for every kinda man!
Your Average Mr. Mashallah:
Smile. Wink. Wear heels.
Non-Religious Mr. Mashallah:
Smile. Wink. Slip your number into his pockets (all of them).
Religious Mr. Mashallah:
Smile. Look to the ground (after 0.5 seconds). Walk past him. Wear nonalcoholic perfume.
Newly Converted Mr. Mashallah (strict type):
Wear niqab. Wink. Flash mini Quran.
Newly Converted Mr. Mashallah (not quite practicing yet type):
See “Your Average Mr. Mashallah”
FOB Mr. Mashallah:
Smile. Wink. Flash U.S. passport.
Saudi Prince Mr. Mashallah:
Wear huge Dolce sunglasses and look like a betch.
Do you have some good advice on your own? Email us! We want to hear from you! Halalflirting@gmail.com
