What advice do you have, if any, for a Christian guy who really likes a Muslim girl?

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Salam,

So this is my situation, as of right now. I am in love with two guys. One’s my best friend since kindergarten in Islamic School (We’re 16.) The other guy’s a college sophomore at a Ivy league, but he’s only 19.

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Hello,

First off I would just like to say that I love your tumblr page and your advice (which is quite hilarious half the time).

Anyways, I am messaging in regards to a ‘situation’ that I am in right now, actually not even sure if its a situation. Basically, I met this guy about 3 weeks ago at a student government meeting for my university and he seemed really confident, smart, was def easy on the eyes (haha) and is muslim too. For the first time ever I decided to actually go up and talk to this guy considering the amount of eye contact we’d had throughout the meeting, but then I ended up getting busy after the meeting, I saw him lingering around but then he eventually left. So I decided to message him on fb with a reason from the meeting etc afterwhich he added me and we chatted for a couple hours. After that he msgd me the next morning asking for help with something and that was it. Throughout that week I happened to see him everyday and he’s always come up and start conversation with me in person and then on fb chat somehow I’d be the one to start up small conversations. Now, its basically become this thing where whenever we see one another, one of us will say hi n we’ll tlk for a bit and whatever its cool. Last week I happened to meet a friend of his through someone else and when I introduced myself to the guy, he was like oh you’re the one talking to so and so right? Clearly, he’s told his friends about me, but I always always always see him with other girls who are definitely much more gorgeous and are arab like he is. I am a hijabi but I’m not arab. Essentially, I’ve started to really like this guy and I obviously dont know what he thinks of me, plus he is a year younger than I am lol What should I do? I feel like the ‘friendship’ or acquaintance or whatever it is is going to fade out soon especially cuz we dont really have any friends in common and are in different programs etc. How do I get this guy to like me back and notice me in that way I guess?

Sincerely,

Distressed hijabi.

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So it has come to our attention that a lot of you Halal Flirters apparently need more focused and concrete help than we’ve been providing. So here’s what we’re gonna do for you… Send us excerpts from your conversations with Mr. Mashallah and we’ll coach you on how to respond. This is profoundly beneficial for you because your Mr. Mashallah will basically be talking to us. Here’s an example:

Mr. Mashallah: hey

OH HAYY… the guy on your gchat whose screenname you’ve been obsessively staring at for the past 4 years has finally messaged you. REMEMBER: STAY COOL. That means turn your caps lock off. Limit your exclamation marks to ZERO. Don’t use any smiley faces (especially ;)… YET). Say something normal. Something you would say in real-life. Something like:

You: hi

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Wanna tell us how cool we are? Email us at halalflirting@gmail.com

Just in case you haven’t turned on your TV because its Ramadan and you’re busy praying/reading Quran/updating your Ramadan-related Facebook statuses, we will be uploading photos of all the Olympian Mr. Mashallahs that you are missing out on.

ENJOY!

but not too much… astaghfurallah.

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1. Take a shower and put on cologne (not Axe (you’ll smell like a cheap drugstore) or Drakkar Noir (you’ll smell like her grandfather). If you have no sense of smell, Acqua Di Gio will work—you’ll smell like every other douche bag in the city, but every other douche bag smells pretty good.

2. Open your wallet. Make sure to have 3 or 4 $100 bills accidentally fall out. Just don’t lose them (or use them) or this could get expensive—unless you already roll like that (automatic +1 for all of our Saudi/Qatari/Omani Princes).

3. Make eye contact, flash a charming smile, and then walk away. If you can successfully make eye contact and smile charmingly, chances are you don’t need help impressing a girl. You should also be ready to hide because some girl will probably try to follow you and potentially roofie you, depending on where said interaction takes place.

4. When you make wudu, roll up your sleeves above your biceps, conveniently forget to unroll them and leave them glistening with water so they sparkle in the light (like Edward from twilight). Make sure to walk past her while flashing your guns. If you do not workout and  can hardly hold your arms up to make wudu, we suggest you get some.

5. If you have a sister who is significantly younger than you, pretend that you adore her in front of Mrs. Mashallah even if she’s secretly the devil.

6. If you happen to speak a sexy non-English language (i.e. French/Spanish), ask her a question using it. When she says she doesn’t speak your language, flash your pearly whites and apologize.  If you don’t speak a sexy non-English language, just adopt a British accent—she probably wont understand that either. If you don’t have pearly whites, get some teeth whitener ASAP.

7. Get an education. And a job that pays you at least 6 figures. You’ve just impressed the hell out of her, and she hasn’t even met you yet.

Ok Halal Flirters, we’re back with another one! Most of our posts up to this point have been about how to improve your overall love life (in a Halal (debatable) style). Most of our lessons are ones that should be practiced on a day-to-day basis. But we realize, some of you just ain’t got that kinda time! So if you’re looking to impress Mr. Mashallah in 20 seconds or less follow our tips and tricks below. The good thing is that these can actually be done in 5 seconds.  And we’ve got some for every kinda man!
 

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Problem: Recently, the mother of a Muslim guy friend (if you can even call him that— we talk, like, occasionally) I had exchanged “the approving look” with another auntie when I was talking with her son and offered him food (my fam was hosting a social gathering), and I am now deathly afraid. How can I gracefully become uninteresting in her eyes? I need some “postponing marriage” skills for you to share & advice on how to protect yourself from vulture-aunties. Thanks in advance!

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